Monthly Archive for October, 2007

Living Strong

Rumors are flying that Lance Armstrong is dating whichever of the creepy Olson twins this is.  If this is true, I’m never going to wear a yellow bracelet again.

Just Call Me Angel Of The Morning

It is not known precisely where angels dwell – whether in the air, the void, or the planets.  It has not been God’s pleasure that we should be informed of their abode.  ~Voltaire

Well, Voltaire, I’m happy to report that their location has been identified and it’s the corner of 12th and MLK.

Rumer Willis Works Really Hard

Do you want to hear the cutest thing ever?  Rumer Willis thinks she has a job!  She tells People magazine, “Before I started working, I would have said, ‘You know, it’s not really fair, because I didn’t choose this.’ But when you decide to be a part of this profession and put yourself out there, then you kind of have to accept what it is. Fame is a 24-hour job. It doesn’t matter if you are going out to a restaurant – you have to be aware of what you are doing and how you look and how you are presenting yourself, because most of the time people never get to know you.”

Naturally, this leaves me with questions, not the least of which is – what profession is it exactly that she believes she’s in?

I love how she thinks she sounds all smart and practical about her public image, and then she shows up to ANYTHING in this outfit.   

Eye Have Breaking Sexual Predator News For You

So this guy has just been charged with sexual battery.  And please don’t misunderstand, I am not blaming the victims here because being touched inappropriately by someone you don’t want to be touched by is wrong, no question.  And you never know who might be a sexual predator.  You can’t judge a book by its cover, blah blah blah etc.

I have to wonder though.  What would compel someone to choose this person as their OPTOMETRIST?  If you have a choice between, say, any optometrist in a 100 mile radius, or a guy that is cross-eyed and has no neck, who do you pick? Exercise a little judgment, ladies.  That’s all I’m saying.

Lawyers Aren’t Always Creeps

 

Did you ever have one of those days when you were stressed out at work and you thought to yourself, “Self – I could use a Big Mac right about now”, and then you went to a McDonald’s and got your fingertip bitten off by a drunk lunatic? 

Well, that’s what happened to this fine gentleman

Florida Graduates Is Real Smart

Channing Crowder, Miami Dolphins Linebacker, is apparently NOT an expert on geography.  He recently had this to say:

“I couldn’t find London on a map if they didn’t have the names of the countries. I swear to God. I don’t know what nothing is. I know Italy looks like a boot. I learned that. I know (Washington Redskins linebacker) London Fletcher. We did a football camp together. So I know him. That’s the closest thing I know to London. He’s black, so I’m sure he’s not from London. I’m sure that’s a coincidental name.”

This is a University of Florida graduate, people.  Who are the school administrators who allowed this joker to have a college degree?  The same ones that allowed Miss South Carolina to graduate from high school?

Finally…someone agrees with me!

I have been saying for awhile that Benicio Del Toro looks like a Werewolf. Finally, I have found someone that agrees. And now I know you do too…thanks cityrag.com!  If you don’t know who this is, he is the guy in the new movie with Haley Berry…I’ve heard she has a nice pair…

Nicole Richie Will Be a Fantastic Mother

Nicole Richie, setting an example for expectant mothers everywhere,  was seen recently giving her unborn infant the life-giving and essential nicotine every growing baby needs.  

Speaking of Protrusions…

Breaking News:  Adrian Grenier’s penis has reportedly been wreaking havoc on the streets of Los Angeles, breaking this innocent bystander’s nose and allegedly robbing Richard Simmons of several pairs of vibrant exercise tights.

Developing…

Wow, Spiderman…You’re So…..Bumpy!

These are those idiots from that gay “reality” show The Hills – Heidi Montag and Spencer someone-or-other.  Look at him.  There is so much wrong here I don’t even know where to begin.  First off – I’m pretty sure Spidey wears a full face mask….and not a hairnet.  And secondly, I’m unaware of Spiderman sporting high top tennis shoes.  And thirdly……just….Really?

And then of course there’s the…how do I say this delicately….protrusion, if you will.  Other than the fact that it’s just OUT there, flailing around for the world to see, I guess the positive way to look at it is that it seems to be slightly more impressive than Danny Bonaduce’s (NSFW). 

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