Monthly Archive for August, 2007

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What’s wrong with this picture?


 I know there are lots of things to say about this picture. LOTS. I was going to write a witty little rant, but I would rather hear from you, the viewer. Post away, Posty McBloggersons.

Mariah Carey is Ridiculous


Mariah Carey apparently has recently been quoted lamenting the hardships that come with having her job. 

“Look, to me, that I’m able to do what I love for a living is a gift from God. I could be doing something I hate every day. Yes, sometimes it’s tough because I’ve got to sleep 15 hours to sing the way I want to. It’s not easy because my vocal chords are different than most people’s. “

First of all, if the REASON your job is hard is because you are forced to sleep 15 hours, then your job is not hard.  In fact, any job which requires that much sleep is officially one of the best jobs ever.  Secondly, I would like a doctor to explain how her vocal chords are different. She might be able to sing better, but I’m pretty sure her vocal chords aren’t inherently different than the average Joe’s.

Thirdly, I hate Mariah Carey.

Best Moment of My Life


So, I was at another family birthday function. We have several birthday’s around this time of year, which means my grandparents and parents were very, VERY busy around the month of December. Merry Christmas and a ring a ding ding!  Anywhoo, our family gathering was separated as usual, men talking about their jobs, sports, cars, and whatever other stereotypical “male” subjects I have not mentioned here. My discussion group consisted of Grandma Aufshneider, Mother Aufshneider, my cousin and sisters. Somehow our usual topics of movies and celebrity news took a dark, dark turn. And when I say dark, I mean that the words “Richard Gere” and “gerbils” were brought up. Then there were lots and lots of questions asked… Mother Aufshneider. If her reaction to the news that small rodents were used for something besides running on a plastic wheel was not funny enough, my Grandmother then provided me with the best moment of my life. Seriously. This tops them all folks. She said this with the most innocent face, and I quote: “Girls, have any of you gone to the grocery store and been too ashamed to only buy one cucumber? Like you are afraid of what the store clerk might think?”  Needless to say, I don’t remember much else of what was said, as my state quickly turned to that of asthmatic-like, tearful laughter. Best. Moment. EVER.

Yup! Still Not Gay!


 According to this Sun article, Robbie and his FEMALE companion were spotted at a store making out and pawing at each other. 

Homosexual men out there, my condolences.  He remains, just as he always has been, straight.

This Is Reason #428,799,023 That Pageants Are Dumb

It will come as no surprise, after you watch the clip above, that this idiot didn’t win Miss Teen USA. But what IS shocking, is that she clearly had to have won Miss Teen South Carolina in order to compete in this stupid pageant.

You know you’re an idiot when MARIO LOPEZ smirks at your stupidity.



Have you ever seen a more vacuous, hollow, and empty-headed trio in your life?  Seriously.  I’ve seen tree stumps that look smarter.

Amy Winehouse is a Great Role Model


Amy Winehouse and her husband Blake appeared to have gotten kinda rough with each other the other night, but then Amy texted Perez Hilton to assure him that Blake was the bestest husband ever and that the tabloids had this all wrong.

Apparently, he walked in on her about to do some drugs with a call girl, and swooped in to rescue her.  

I hereby nominate this couple for the Best Example of a Healthy Marriage award.   

What NOT To Do If You Have a Small Penis

According to this Sun article, some dude who was insecure about his wee-wee being too wee, told his girlfriend he wanted to have sex with her in the dark, and then once the lights were out he had his better-equipped brother “fill in” for him. 

End result?  RAPE charges for the brother, and accessory to rape charges for WeeWee McTooSmall.

Hee! 🙂

Indians Have Strong Sperm


This Indian dude is apparently the oldest dude ever to father a kid.  He’s NINETY.  And he’s got 23 kids and 20 grandkids, some of whom he’s outlived.  AND, he wants to have MORE KIDS.  He says he wants to keep having kids till he’s 100.

Someone needs to stop this madness.  I mean, props to him and all for being able to get it up enough to sperminate someone.  But eeeew. 

Robbie Williams is STILL Not Gay


Robbie Williams is dating Clare Staples, a model.  Who, as you might have noticed, is a WOMAN.

You might have also noticed that Robbie has really nice legs.

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