More on Alli…I can’t get enough

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If you have not read my previous entry about Alli, click here first.….I just have more to say…

So, I had to go on the Alli website to confirm this “poop your pants” theory. In THREE different places on the site, they confirm what I feared to be true.

From the “side effects” section:

Oily stools. As the Alli weight loss pill reduces the production of an enzyme in the intestine, which converts fatty dietary elements into fatty acids, some fat from digested food may not be processed. As a result the body will find a way to release basic fat content from the body, usually excreted naturally. Due to the nature of the left over substances, stools can often appear oily and emit an unfortunate odour.

Flatulence. Another means by which the body has been known to release unwanted waste is by flatulence. While this is a totally natural and harmless release, it can prove potentially embarrassing and uncomfortable as the customer may not have full control of their bowels at all times.

From the FAQ’s section:

Are There Any Serious Side Effects?

Extensive trials and research have shown that there are no serious side effects, although many patients will experience some rather uncomfortable side effects which include :

Oily stools.

Increased flatulence.

Bouts of sudden bowel movement.

From the Pros and Cons section:

Cons of Alli Pills

While the pros far out way the cons for Alli users, the basic process of reducing the body’s intake of fatty acids means that additional unused fat content from the user’s diet needs to be removed from the body. The fat is therefore excreted from the body which can result in a number of mild side effects including :

  • “loose” or “oily” stools, with a distinctive aroma.
  • Increased flatulence, which can obviously cause discomfort.
  • Frequent and unpredictable bowels movements, which may sometimes be out of the patient’s control, if they persist with a high fat content diet.

OK……so, in conclusion:

“Usually excreted naturally”; “Unfortunate odour”; “May not have full control”; “Bouts of sudden bowel movement”; “A distinctive aroma”

You can’t make this stuff up people. This is pure comedy gold…AND…its happening to portly people everywhere. THAT’s no joke.

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  • Mockarena

    I saw this at the pharmacy this morning and it costs $60 for a “starter kit”. I think we should all chip in and send some to that record holding fat dude that Gabone posted earlier. Although – I would feel sorry for whoever has to change his sheets.

  • Bunny

    I received the following corroborating testimony from a friend:

    “That is interesting that you sent that, because one of the girls – (name deleted to protect the innocent) – took this and had a terrible experience. She was standing in the kitchen of a friend over the weekend and all of a sudden all this liquid just gushed out and left a huge puddle on the kitchen floor. AND, you can’t even just mop it up – it is oily so it is a lot more difficult. Ick!”

    So…I ask you….what is less attractive? A fat person, or a skinny person who shits themself and leaves what equates to an Exxon Valdez oil spill on your floor?

    I gotta believe this stuff won’t stay on the market for long. But it will make for some awesome 20/20 and/or Nightline evening program specials.

  • Dame Aufschneider

    Don’t you guys love the spelling of “odour”? Like the U makes the foul stinch expelling from your rectum that much classier.